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55 poems tagged FUNNY
The Bible can be a difficult read so / I’ve taken some time and condensed it / It’s mainly about the subject of sin / And God is totally against it. / / The good book also has many stories, / And at the risk of seeming a prude, / Upon reading some of them / They could be considered lewd. / / It also… sign in to read more »
INGREDIENTS: / Onions / Red pepper / Robb/menthal / Flat shoes / Wrap round skirt (you might want to fall down) / / PROCEDURE: / Cut the onion into small pieces(remember not to wash it) / The pepper(we call it chillies), please please, do not remove the seeds. / Gently apply the onion and the pepper… sign in to read more »
Shingwaya Shintoshi was / The most scary man I have ever seen / Leave that for another day. / Shingwaya Shintoshi won a lottery / He drowned himsel… sign in to read more »
Well I've got a FUNNY FEELING / I'm gonna be crying the blues / Tonight because you will not be / Home to hold me tight, I've just / Got a FUNNY FEELING I'm gonna / Be laying here in our big ole bed / All alone waiting, just waiting for / You to phone, I've got this FUNNY / FEELING but it's not really funny… sign in to read more »
The air looks like that song that stays on your fingers and makes hearts smile / Your favourite song tastes like a medley of ice-creamcream, pop-corn and marshmallows all dipped in rich darks chocolate / Food sounds like the orchestra of toes in socks strutting their way on wooden floors / Each breath… sign in to read more »
I'm immune to hypnosis / but your voice does things that / my mind and body are not in agreement with, / you light up my day even when / Eskom does what it is known for, / your existence create in me the belief / that probably angels might exist, / like a sponge your smile soaks all my worries,… sign in to read more »
I love to eat, I love to drink, / I love to sleep, I love to dream, / The more I think or so it seems, / There are no end to my love it seems. / / I have always thought, at times a lot, / but then again I soon forgot, / For me a life never quite ends with a dot, / For it soon changes like a wild moth.… sign in to read more »
When I was but a young girl I just loved opposites, then I didn't know they attract. / Defying the odds and always being the odd one out, now I only find out it's what they call gender. / Female, feminine, phenomenal are words I started understanding when I became a young woman. / Pubic, puberty is not… sign in to read more »
I love lonely hearts. / I hate faithful partners. / I love married women and men they are my easy target. / Temptation is my trend. / I hate it when people block me. / I love teenagers who are going through adolescence and life challenges. / I hate it when they abstain. / Guess who? / / I lie but who doesn'… sign in to read more »
Reality sank in when the words that meant more no longer carried the same weight, the sun rose later than usual, late night phone calls and daily texts a history to the bleeding heart, she no longer drench from the idea of love making but to the reality that your absence and presence represents,… sign in to read more »
It is late at night, / Sleepless am I. / I'm getting annoyed, / So I let out a sigh. / / I've tried the sheep, / The glass of water, too. / I've tried all the old tricks, / But I'm still awake, so pooh! / / I've listened to silence, / And music as well. / It doesn't appear to be working, / 'Cause I'm still… sign in to read more »
What is love - pray do tell, / I seek it dearly, but what do I know? / The vision's set, the road's mapped out, / But where do I start, where do I go? / Why do I dare? Why do I care? / Do I care? Oh, surely I must... / Why do I stand? Why here did I land? / Where is the reason, what answer do I trust? / I'm… sign in to read more »
The waves of that night / Were wilder than could be / There was no safe or sound place in sight / And the vessels bobbed like corks upon the sea. / / The churning of the mailstrom with mouth open wide / Pulled me violently nearer with each twist / Deeper still sank i, struggling against the tide,… sign in to read more »
Hey woman, wonderfully and fearfully made. / A flower that blossoms in all seasons, areas and atmospheres. / / Your scent gives breath of fresh air / Your presence brightens the day / / Woman your range and brand does not end / uprooted and planted elsewhere it does not change you, it makes you even… sign in to read more »
There's a popular time worn belief / That older people have a hunger / To date or have a relationship with / A person that's much younger. / / At the risk of sounding sarcastic, / There may be a concern to mount. / That, "Age is just a number" relates / To what is in one's bank account. / / Now, dear… sign in to read more »
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, / Or so the old cliché goes. / But, there was something missing / As our loving relationship grows. / / We both knew what that was / And what would make us smile. / If only we could find a way that / Makes our connection more tactile. / / Even on the World Wide Web… sign in to read more »
When the weather is pleasant / To escape things that's vitriolic. / My dog and I will go to the park / And bask in a place that's more bucolic. / / Jack is the name of my dog / A concept that would find him "fumin'" / As I am convinced that he truly / Believes I really am his human. / / He must be kept on… sign in to read more »
My kids don't like fish very mu… sign in to read more »
It was in ninth grade English class / And my teacher was Miss Joan Frank / It was because of her love of poetry, / That I now have her to blame or thank. / / Poems came alive in her classroom / As we absorbed Lewis Caroll's whimsy / And many years later I still wonder what / And why, Borogoves are mimsey… sign in to read more »
Well, it's over and I am single / Yet my hopes are not dimmin' / To find someone special in my life, / Sends my imagination swimmin' / A romantic re-start with a loving heart / And with some serious "Shein" ... and "Himin" ... / But this I learned about divorce court, / It's a bad place to try and meet… sign in to read more »
He holds his bat with all his might, / The bowlers bowl with full of fright. / He is the man, he is the king, / He smashes every ball out of the ring. / / Once he entered the pitch by chance, / And changed the game in a single glance. / He is the man depended on hard times, / For he is the king of all the… sign in to read more »
"I just love coming home to my Phil," / She said, "He waits for me at the door / "He wraps his arms around my neck / How could I ever be loved more?" / / "He nuzzles me all over my face / He kisses and then nibbles my chin. / His affection will lift my spirit / No matter the poor mood I'm in." / / Is this… sign in to read more »
In math it… sign in to read more »
Once upon a window sill / A little beetle lands / So soft and sweet and soothing / His little song he sang / / Each night at sunset we gathered / To hear his happy tune / Which was the very loudest / Upon each bright full Moon / / Such a plain and ugly little bug / With its black and shiny skin / So clumsy… sign in to read more »
Feeling again that you've found "the one" / It is difficult to try and assert / That you or yours can love and trust / As if you've never been hurt. / / There may be a tall wall made of fears. / And all the symptoms of Excuse-itis, / Mixed in with memories which may have / More pains than osteoarthritis… sign in to read more »
The coach: third class / Passengers: from all walks of life / Time: 6.30 a.m. / Destination: the city centre / Via several industrial parks. / / The smells hit you / As you approach the door / Threatening to repel you / Away from the morning rush. / / First the aromatic dagga / Fuming from suspect… sign in to read more »
It's in riddle form, / I hope you can understand / I love you, / yes, I do / Even though I know not what love is / "But with the little I know, I love you" / Memories all flooding, / reminding me that indeed you are special / It's been what? / 8 months, and I still get the goosebumps that I got when we first… sign in to read more »
Soft and tender / Leave you dry / I am a gold digger, / quit school I'm still an 8th grader / Looking for a deep pocket so that I can reach deeper / Neck pains, am used to them / Back pains, had them from since I was twelve years old / Got introduced to a world of pure lust / Got in and was reeled in fast… sign in to read more »
I had a dream once / about the world in my midst / I had a dream once / about a girl I once knew / I had a dream once / about the things we talked about / / I silently woke up / to find I wasn't asleep / but then I realised / maybe the dream had come true / I had a dream once / I was eating my shoe / / But… sign in to read more »
my friday reminds me / my december reminds me / of all the days I almost / told you / / but somehow I forgot / some promises I made / but still if you dance / please do / but when you dance in the / rain / and all the spectators wonder about / please don't forget / that my friday reminds me / of all the kisses… sign in to read more »
There is a popular mind set, / That on some level might be true, / That when a woman gets older / Her mate will bid her adieu. / / There are no doubt many reasons / For this possible lack of satisfaction, / Maybe one could be her preoccupation / With, "The Power of Attraction". / / Maybe she could… sign in to read more »
I did not do it, / / I didn't do what I did, / just so she could undo it. / / But, admittedly, / she does do i… sign in to read more »
She doesn't understand! / She just doesn't get! / When I say jump, / she had better jump! / When I hook her to the plow, / she had better pull it! / She had better understand, / this… sign in to read more »
Sitting on the pot, / where everything / comes too not. / Nothing, / I mean nothing, / if life, / should smell this bad! / Are you dead? / was all she said / before she fled, / with her face tuning red. / I probably am, I said, / with tears in my eyes, / from the fumes that rise / from the toxic gas / emanating… sign in to read more »
I like her piled high / with strawberries. / Really! / Strawberries! / With some cream / poured over her top. / You should hear her scream, / When I pour on the cream! / … sign in to read more »
What are you doing here, he said. / I said, to all a little spice, / and spoon in a little confusion. / It's 8 degrees outside, and / the wind is kicking around / some of yesterday's snow. / I haven't done that for a while, she said. / get into bed, I said. / Then, she said, holy mosquito! / Look at that… sign in to read more »
I touched her and she went. / Where she went, nobody knows. / I follow her scent with my nose, / through these two little holes. / The wind shifted, there she goes. / A half a hole is better / then no hole, at all. / After all, it's about holes, / and where the holes go / when the wind blows. / blow back is a… sign in to read more »
Once upon a Christmas time / That was now many years ago / I was thinking about my Christmases past / With a warm and nostalgic glow. / / I wanted to share my childhood / And all the things I did. / It would give some depth to stories / That start, "Well, when I was a kid..." / / A vivid memory of my youth… sign in to read more »
Allow me into your heart / I want to get to know you better / Why not? Just try me / I promise to do no harm / / But I will wash out the walls of your heart / With fruity smelling liquidy red tingly trickly love / Till the heart beats brand new / then you will give me your soft warm hands and I will… sign in to read more »
Through the valley of loneliness he experienced goose bumps with butterflies, / An unexpected smile appeared; he smiled as if he had swallowed a smiley face, / He experienced an enormous energy; a red bull wouldn't give him such energy! / Found her sex appeal so remarkable, / A self-centered… sign in to read more »
Surprise! There's a new love interest! / She stole my heart but there's some Angina. / Like many things found here in the states / My special lady was also made in China. / / In learning about each other there's / The "getting to know you" game. / And, it is quite apparent that / Our backgrounds are not… sign in to read more »
The amount of children a family has / Brings an historical fascination. / From the 1700's to the present day / Regardless of the nation. / / Judging from all the coverage, / On TV and in magazines, / Having many children now, / Is still odd, or so it seems. / / There are interviews and reality shows, / They… sign in to read more »
In the tiny community / of Slippery Hole; / everybody knew about / Winston Oslo / / every night he'd curl up, / in his cozy lil' bed; / fluff his feathered pillow / and rest his weary head / / ol' Winston was a smart man, / though he never had a diploma; / at night when he slept, / you'd swear he was in a coma… sign in to read more »
If I were to like you / I'd like you because / you're driven and smart / / I'd like you because you're tall, tanned and handsome / I'd like you cause you're refreshing and real... / a personality that glows in the dark / / I'd love your sex appeal / your naughty stare / creative ideas / your stark naked… sign in to read more »
I know that names of products / May often be ostentatious / But I never thought that packs of seeds / Could also be so salacious. / / Varieties mentioned here are real / And this is what I think... / Many gardeners and farmers / Must enjoy an earthy wink... / / To make my point I'll put these names / In… sign in to read more »
There has remained a fascination / That has lasted through the years, / Of pirates, ships and the treasures / Of those adventurous buccaneers. / / It is very obvious in these times / That pirates are still quite popular / In films and books and games and such / But not the real ones in Somalia. / / We also… sign in to read more »
Modern technology's a wonder / Just amazing this I know / If I get lost there's my GPS / That will tell me where to go. / / If I am bored at home alone / And want to have some fun, / I can play against Nintendo Wii / Although I have never won. / / For my mathematical prowess / I realize there's no flattery… sign in to read more »
On this Emotional Holiday / It is time to take a rest / From all the pressure that is life / That just might get you stressed. / / Never mind the constant running / From pillar and to post. / Time to stop the pedaling / And just lean back and coast. / / There are forces out there / That can turn your spirit… sign in to read more »
I stand before you and the beautiful sky... / / And I think it is time to clear up this lie... / / You see, I beg to … sign in to read more »
Been walking these streets, my car's sudden broken, damn piece of crap / Tried to change the tyre but someone stole the bleeming jack / So I kicked it in its bonnet and spat on its windscreen, I'm defiant / Tonight I'm gonna get ya with my tyre iron / / Dark streets, run down flats full of pimps, ho's… sign in to read more »
I heard a noise outside it sounded like a UFO. So I got scared so I went under the blankets. I saw a big light. It felt like I was flying after a while. But, really to tell you I was stranded in the ether also known as outer space. Also I was in a huge rocket tied up. It felt like a runway no way to… sign in to read more »
He married sweet Mary from Ipswich, / she ate all the time fish 'n' chips w… sign in to read more »
With your slight touch my body warms slowly, I struggle as I try to fight your advances. / I give in to your embrace as I can no longer fight my body from giving in to you. / With sweat running through my body I give in completely, as you caress me tenderly. / You finally consume me and with flirting… sign in to read more »
I am a pair of trousers / And I'm hanging in this store / Waiting for someone to buy me / Take me home and to adore / / To be someone's favourite garment / Is the biggest dream of mine / To be washed and ironed and cared for / And worn time after time / / I'm part of a collection / Bright and crisp and… sign in to read more »
In Jo'burg / I saw a beggar / begging / for a bur… sign in to read more »
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